and she says 'FINE'

hey there....

well,within this new year of 2012,

complication of feelings happened though...

That girl,this girl...duhhhhhhh...

my heart being crushed to death.

I'll tell about that girl first,

well, a week before,thankfully i was able to be with her.

but the thing is i was not happy.

She somehow didn't appreciate me.

Like i didn't exist.

Blame for all the problem that occured.

and ended up,left me like a piece of garbage.

Next,this girl...

oh gosh,my feelings is twisting everytime i'm being with this one.

Happy,sad,angry,moody,blank,depress.

urghhhh...dammit...

but most of the time,it will end up miserable.

to tell the truth,i am much more fond to this girl than that girl.

Although i didn't quite show that's how i am (am i?)

Being with this girl is like playing with my hope.

Sometimes it's there,sometimes it's gone.

There was a day,she said i was on her list. I smiled.

But the way she treat me is like the other way around.

Then I somehow realize..

If i on her list,maybe that guy is too....or much worse,

I'm just on a piece of paper but he is in her heart.

She more likely to say 'fine' to me,by the way.

'Fine' in a tone of 'like i care'

She didn't hope for me like the way i did if she was like that,rite?

I onced asked her,

'Is there any hope for me?'

She didn't answer.

I accompanied her on the way back and willing to be a 'punching bag'

But that doesn't seem to affect anything.

i know there wasn't any hope for me.

I tired of lying myself,telling that there's still hope.

I'm blinded.Sadly blinded.

I don't know what to do next. I don't want to have any distance but i have my feelings too.

Avoiding,ignorance are what i had in mind..but seriously,

i'm fucking don't know what to do.

Tears are about to fall when typing this.

bye.