A Damn Day

Happened last week.

Involving;

1. eX

2. School Mate

3. my own Brother

eX, oh gosh,such a big liar.

Beria2 nak ajak aku kluar.

Time tu gak nak kata syg la,rindu la pe la...Aku iye kan aje.

K fine,aku berHARAP la jugak.C'mon,i need someone to love.

Then,kalo dh syg tu,aku mintak r dia janji jgn sentuh laki lain.Dia janji.

Tapi lepas date tu,keesokkannya,this is what she told me;

'mm...sori if 1 day org mungkir janji...'

Then,bila dah berbalas beberapa msj,senang2 je dia reply;

'k...xnk syg dah..'

Dah la,x puas hati lagi ke dia nak pecahkan hati aku ni.

Then,i ended everything that happened between us.

eX or friend,none,zero!

Hate u like hell.

....

Next issue is my old schoolboys.

Tak abis2 nk mengaibkan aku.

Standard la org buat muka hantu2,enjoy2 skit dpn camera.

Tu pun nk kutuk2 kt group,mcm aku ni hina sgt.

Cam bangang je,dari dulu lg asyik kena condemned je.

Benci seyh.Dah kluar skola pun kena camni lg.

Bukan nye sekali.

Bila aku dah TAK maafkan,time tu la aku tak layan.

Smpai mampos aku x maafkan.

Fuck Off.

...

Lastly,abg aku.

Ni mmg tikam like shit.Talam dua muka.

Abg mmg abg jugak tp x berhati perut langsung.

Taking all advantages kat adik sndri,pe cter beb!

Buat baik sbb aku bayar mkn,byr duit minyak.

Bukan nk berkira tp aku x kerja,still study.

Dia lak,gaji masuk tp mana pi duit tu?aku malas nk ckp.

Tapi duit aku gak deplete ari2..agak2 r skit..

Nak jalan2 tapi poket kosong..bangang...

Pastu pinjam duit aku,ayat punya lawa.

Abg punya psl,aku kasi la pinjam.

Janji punya janji, last2 jadi taik.

Macam2 alasan kna tepek kt telinga ni.

Dah la aku nak balik upm dah time tu.

Sorry to say la,dh tipu aku pakai nama Achik (my aunt),terpaksa ar aku libatkan Achik betul2.

Aku skrg xtau nk ckp dgn mama abah time diorg balik dr haji nanti

But the worst thing of all,

It's really fucking saddened me to have this kind of brother .

:'(

....

Memang pagi esok nya aku x tahan bila pikir suma ni.

Memang mengalir air mata aku.

Thanks Tiqa sebab sanggup dengar rintihan aku ari tu.

Aku memang dah xde mood nak balik Semnanjung.

xde mood nak balik rumah dah.

life's Sucks

morning ideas!

I woke up,surfing the internet,

then i remembered Sir Fakhzan's ghost vid. especially the mirror one,

and this came up,

mirror

lol~

another cartoon

Well,disebabkan de yang suka kartun boomerang aku 'Paint' semlm, (thanks aimi!)

and tetiba aku de idea merepek,

So,created this one.

piggy bank

lol~

pabila bosan dikala malam

Bila dah check noty kat fb,xde pape nak buat lagi

tapi still xleh tido lagi,

So,aku 'Paint' :P

boomerang

lol~

i'm feeling small

Walaupun badan n perut aku ni besar tp rasa mcm kecik sgt

sbb pe?
dia ni ha,

(sori sara,cilok gambar sat :P )

Ni Sara Joe.

Dia kawan aku,malah kawan baik aku....

well,at least aku anggap dia kawan baik aku... =.=''

Tak tau la dia anggap sama ke tak (tak kott)

Dia dah de kawan baik lain...

So,takpe la kan :(

So,pasal rasa kecik tu,bukan salah dia.

Tapi dia ni famous seyh,jujur aku cakap.

Ramai admire dia.

Dia mmg cun,lawa,cantik

(bukan nye aku de hati kat dia =.=' )

Dah brapa org dah post kat blog psl dia...termasuk aku gak la skrg :P haha

tapi sebagai kawan dia (or 'kawan baik' la KOTT :P ),rasa segan seyh.

Korang tgk la rupa aku.Kalo hensem dan kurus tu,de problem camera atau posing la tu.

So,nak compare kan,mcm artis dgn org gaji je.

Nak ngaku kawan pun segan seyh,aku mcm syok sendiri je.

Dia ni kuat semangat.De gak yang kuat jeles dgn dia.

Aku pun jeles skit gak,SIKIT je.Setakat 'jeles2 ubi' je.
Xde ar sampai nak condemn atau buruk2kan ke.

Tapi de gak makhluk2 buat camtu,kutuk lebih2.Melampau seyh.

To those who over-jealous,bullshit ar korg.

Pape pun,

segan tapi salute ar Sara ni.

now i woke up at home :)

I opened my eyes.

Relieved.

I saw the wall,the window,the bed of my house.

Not in the campus.

Then,i saw my lil brother that being late to go to school.

Hahaha,no comment.

I took my Pine and have one go.

Now,no more uspot,just unifi,for few days la..

But then,i remembered yesterday.

Gosh,i hoped that i didn't annoyed by miss calling u from time to time.

I just miss u and i am MISSING u...

btw

Happy to be home.

-currently in Shah Alam :)

rela undur diri utk dia bahagia

This one?yeah,the same one that i mentioned in other two previous posts.

I called,she didn't answer.I thought she didn't want to.

I called again,she DID.

Oh God,i'm so damn happy at that time.

Listen to that voice,hearing that voice,

I'm about to shed my tear.

We talked and talked.

(mostly about my scuba dive experience)

Then,i expressed.I told her that i miss her.I'm still into her.

She said, past is past.

How I wanna put it behind as u're the one that i want in the future?

After that call,i stayed in silence,speechless,alone in my room.

"Dia dah ada boyfriend la"

That sentence roaming around in my mind.

Had a cigar while looking in the night sky..again.

"What's this?"

A tear running down my cheek.

I miss her.So damn miss her.I'm worried.

God,please protect her.

Don't let she share the same experience as i did,or worst.

I couldn't interfere anymore :'(

when there's a distance

I could only see you from afar.

When you having fun with others,

that's the time i smiled alone,remembering ours.

When i knew you having a hard time,

i tried to help but my body won't move.

When i tried to text you,

I reached my phone and typed but my finger won't press 'send'.

When i saw you sat alone,watching others,

I wanna sit next to you but my feet is petrified.

When you made that 'ponytail' hairstyle,

I want to mention that you're cute but i'm speechless.

But when we faced each other,

when i saw those eyes,

i keep telling myself that you are other guy's girl.

That 'kad raya' is all i have left.

Don't wannna spoil the happy life you're having now.

imy.

it was just a dream

When I woke up this morning,something struck my mind.

'Mimpi...semalam....'

Yeah,a dream.I tried my best to remember it.

.....

Not fully remembered but all i know it was a sweet one.

It's about her.

That trouble one?No,not that stupid 'Overdose'.

It was the one that I used to love very damn fucking much.

Until the truth came out...a painful truth.

Yeah,my first date,my first lovemate in this very university.

What happened then,this dream?

She post something in the facebook that she wanted me back.

She wanted me to be hers.

That's all i could remembered.

I stared to the sky,felt calm,felt happy about it.

Thanks God,for the dream.

I cant say that i was hoping for it to happen as it wouldn't anyway.

It's hopeless hope.She chose her own path.It seems she's happy with it.

It would be lie if i say that i didn't miss her at all,wouldn't i?

Kalau sayangkan dia,lepaskan dia kan?

Kinda hate it when sweet dream didn't last,ended up to be not real.

But this time,no comment.

You're one of them.

I miss our moments,i miss you.

Sweet dream,thanks.

something's missing..

I woke up,looking at the phone,

'Its 12.24...no messages,no missed calls...'

When I'm looking out the window,a sudden flashback of what happened yesterday,slipped through my mind...

'Ah,lantak lah..'

I took a bath.Chill,cold water running through down my body.

My eyes vibrated,like asking for tears to join the water.

'Why?' I keep asking myself the same thing.

Dressed-up,I'm going to have my lunch a.k.a breakfast.

Arrived at KK2,saw a face that fucking spoiled my mood.

Nevermind.

Eat and be gone.

Gone back to the room and going to sleep again.

The moment before I gone to sleep,question marks popping up in my head.

Feels like my life is empty...

Something is missing...

If this post is puzzling or didn't show any motives,

couldn't understand and all,

no worries,

even me,myself have no explanation for this.

It just...happened.

it's..nice

5 Oct 2011,

Who would guess i will be calm after answering these 'Mathematic 2' and 'Kenegaraan' papers.

Aku tak cakap aku jawab betul ke,atau 'spot' soalan kena ke...Tak pun.

It just happened.So calm.Laughing with friends.

I didn't expect this actually.There's no depression's aura.No 'mysterious' silent mode.Takde nak tengok muka-muka muram je.Yang menyampah tu pun lantak la,malas aku nak amik kisah.

I have my life too. :D

I knew this calmness wouldn't last but i appreciated it.Hope it would happen again in future.

:)

-eL

meaningless life

BEFORE

i've never been called to the headmaster's or principal's room.

i always watch CSI interrogate suspects.

i've never been accused of stealing.

NOW

i've been called to the dean's room couple times.

i've been interrogated by a forensic and a psychologist.

i've been accused of slander and rape

:'(

MEANINGLESS LIFE.